The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
