Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
