I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
