I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
worst night to have a conscience
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
