My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I will be naked everywhere
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
