I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
