Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
