Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
