I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
