So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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