I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
so much tequila, so little girl.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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