my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
