Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
