"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
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