i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
