She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
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