i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
