the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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