I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
