When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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