Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
