i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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