bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
