this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
