is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
