i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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