Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
