I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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