brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Can i not drive my cunt home
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
