hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
