Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
