So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
