3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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