I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
