We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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