We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
