My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
