I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
