ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize
