He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
