i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
