she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
