i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
