i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
