He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
