You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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