There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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