i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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