I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
