I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
