we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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