so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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