you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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