I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
being pregnant is like rehab
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
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