well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
