Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I yelled at your uterus for you.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
