haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She's the barista slut.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
